Monday, December 3, 2012

The Break up (x2)

Chris and I broke up last night. He told me that I was right but he wasn't willing to change what he was doing so we should break up. I spent all day crying and looking at his facebook. I must have clicked his name a million times in the past 12 hours since we broke up. Even now I can't stop thinking about him.

The pain isn't as bad as when Matt and I broke up two years ago. I think I must have guarded my heart better this time. Too bad, because Matt will never be half the man Chris is.

STOP!

Focus on the negatives and why you shouldn't be together, not on all his sweet smart qualities. OkayUhm, he always stinks of sweat when he comes over. He belittles me, he doesn't pick up the phone when I call, he doesn't listen or take an interest in what I do. He is all talk and no action. He just rolls over after sex. He never shows how he feels, he would rather be rational than show how mad or happy or anything he is. He texts other girls day and night. He smokes. He hid things from me.

Fuck.

None of those things really make me feel better.He has a great smile and a golden heart. But I don't have a place in it.I must have pushed him away? Isn't it typical for the on who was broken up with to blame themselves? I couldn't possibly just let him walk all over me like the other one.I deleted his number, Facebook, our texts, any sweet messages, all the plans I had for Christmas. I don't to be reading how he will "love me until the last breath leaves his breast" and then remember how full of crap that was.Here we go, heartbreak number two.

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