The Building

Had I not climbed so high
Without haste, freedom would have come
But the exhilaration of the jump
My feet gliding off the ground
Again made my heart beat

My hair floated beside my face
I closed my eyes and felt
The power of my freedom
The power of the wind

I had waiting for too long
For my life to restart, and now the song
Of the birds caressed me
Freedom, soon I would find a home

My love, soon we will embrace
you took the jump before and beside you
I will quickly regain my place
On clouds we had not reached

The sun has risen for me only.
From the queen, the crown I received
Sing my love  - we are free
This jump will bring me to thee

I see it, coming closer and cry
I feel ecstatic at soon being free
And that is when I was hit
That is when my skull hit the concrete

Cinquain Poem

Rain
Exciting rhythm
Falling all around
Peaceful pitter-patter sound
Beautiful

My ex

I wonder what I would do?
If I actually saw him
Glimpsed him
Not in a picture nor a dream
But flesh and bone
Saliva and clothes
would it frighten
or excite me?

My heart still mourns
the ghost of him.

First boyfriend

The truth is.... I can't stop thinking about you...

your smile,

       your look,

               your hair,

                      your scent,

                              your clothes,

                                      your sarcasm,

                                                                     I love it all.

how does it feel to know you're everything i want?

To know I stay up at night because reality is finally better than my dreams?

You were my first kiss, my first love. If only you knew how much I thought of you, it would scare you.

You are the music in me, my favourite tune, the love of my life, don't go away soon.

His ex

I see she is single, I know you two will mingle
Giving her the comfort I was unfit for
Like the other two before her and during our time
The lies, and hidden worlds that you did hide

My love is strong, everything it did overcome
never did I imagine you would end it with me
I even thought it was my fault
"You didn't see my love - I pushed you too hard"

But I didn't, all I did was love you.

Eve of my 15th birthday

Tomorrow the girl
She turns 15
Tomorrow she will be
Treated as a queen
But other days
She feels ignored
Just another common soul
Who when she cries
People turn,
Their backs face her,
Her tears she hides,
Her life is depression,
her companion is misery
she sinks to new depths
as her wrists bleed.
She fakes a smile
and then moves on
It works for a while
then it all goes wrong
She looks in the mirror
and she tries to make it right
she starts to cry
She knows it won't be alright (she knows she won't win the fight)

May 15/11

This time apart seems
elongated at least to me
you promised forever
for me you'd be

Now I sit here, with my
broken heart, mourning
my future with you, seeing
my love walk away and reject me,

I sit with scissors
Cutting you from pictures - memories-
like you did to me,
Willingly!!

I cry a bit, even though
a month has passed and
you never really loved me
The pain is real.

Project

She looks at her face and frowns,
she hopes the mirror lies about those pounds.
But what she cant see is the beauty inside
She only sees the opinions people provide

She always tries to please but all she gets is teased
Her friends say " you're too fat - please stand at the very back"
She cries herself to sleep. At night all she does is weep
And wish she was thinner, that she hadn't eaten dinner.

And so she starts, starts skipping meals.
And when she does eat, she feeds on very little
She loses weight fast, compliments arise
She forgets about the past, she'125.

But soon it's an obsession, counting calories - an addiction
Her parents worry, her friends are sorry
Her eating disorder - its gone too far,
In her life she needs ORDER
to regain control

Her parents watch her, refusing counselling,
Refusing food, she would die - they knew she would

And so time passed, and she, the beauty once known
Became a simple bag of bones - losing weight
until there was no more

Soon she passed on, her weight below 71,
and the people weeping now are the ones who once called her foul
As the coffin passed before the crowd,
they all cried on not as proud

And so the story ends of a girl who had no friends because of how she looked
Instead of who she was.

15 again

"When life opens a door, It opens a window"
Bravely I jumped into the air,
But could not reach that spec of hope

So I knocked on the door,
screamed my demands,
and then I saw God,
He took me in his hands

He touched my face
he said he cared
"It's just a phase, don't be scared"

He took me in his arms,
and carried me high,
so I could see
from above the sky.

"This is your world- your life,
Be kind, be generous,
And you'll see - it'll be alright"

..15

Disappointment,
It follows me wherever I might ho,
Making me sad instead of making me glow,
Little stains on the cloth of my life,
That cloud over me.

Friendship,
Very rarely true
Lies, gossip and two faced bitches
All coming from the girl beside you
Who just complimented your hair

Sins,
I'm criticized because of them,
Mistakenly judged because of the past,
My "past" - how long will that last?
Will my sins ever truly be forgiven>

Love,
It never lasts as long as it should,
It's a fake emotion, empty as the very word,
As the man who said it.
Love is the fancy word for lust 

cat

I had a cat
Who lived in a hat
He hit me with his bat
So I said "stupid cat"

When i was 15...

Alone I stand,
In tears I drown
My screams go unheard
just another soul pushed aside

I long to be comforted,
To be spoken to as an equal,
To be valued for who I am,
Not who I pretend to be,
Or who I should be.

Alive- but not
Loved- but not
Remembered - yet forgotten
As I walk down this dark road,
Called my life

Foreplay

I am fire
My limbs dance and curl
My soul flickers and flashes
 His breath
 Makes me burn more fiercely,
Passionately,
Ardently.
I dance for him
Swaying seductively
Daring him to touch me.
Daring him to near me
But at the same time
Making him fear me.
He plays with me
Carefully blows on me
Blows me out
Lights me up again
He comes closer
Pulls away quickly
Suddenly I like this game
I burn on
He sighs
And I am gone.


Now I am ashes.

Momentum

Sitting swinging, anticipating Sitting swinging, commemorating Sitting swinging, almost levitating my hair flows forth The wind blows it back It howls in my ear Like a wolf ready to attack. I move my legs forward I move my legs backward I lean backward I lean forward As the tree carries me into tomorrow. Tick tock I am a pendulum Back and forth I am a wave.

Psychotherapist

He told me I could trust him And in his lies I did confide Like a snake he entranced me: The rapist. I remember, as I lay by his side My outspoken cries. His soft reply, His hands holding me down A muffled groan and a sigh. The rapist. His secrets I will keep While I weep, while I weep For fear my own will haunt me (even in my sleep). And even as you read this You will not believe I've told you who did it His secret you must keep. Although I often weep From memories of him and me I know the worst has gone So I must now move on. But take this as a warning Not to trust the man Not to trust him. Or you will weep, you will weep.

Riddle Me this

It has lived, Breathed. Like a caged bird, Freed. It has been given, Coveted. Like a stolen gem, Taken. It has been broken, Shattered. Like a pane of glass, Scattered. It has been moved, Slowed. And like a ticking clock, Stopped.

Mom?

Oh lord, how the times are changing, Everything is moving, rearranging Things have somehow escalated And are not at all how I had previously anticipated. Great men fall heavily from flight Teared from the sky to the ground Unreachable by light, Instead forced to be more sound. Oh lord the times are changing: Flags are now often desecrated And children are no longer educated On the dangers of disobeying. But although things seem bleak Wisps of hope blow by I find myself complete By my mother's lullaby. And lord, although times are changing The love of her keeps me strong And only now do I realize, That this was true all along. Her song quelled my sorrow And her caress promised me a better tomorrow Only now that she is gone I realize this was true all along. Truly, I miss her here And her gentle whisper in my ear Of tales of knights and valor Memories which I dearly harbor. Yes lord, things are indeed changing And although we had constant strife I often find myself commemorating That wonderful woman's too short life.

Shush

I fixed my skirt and got off the bed Conviction was carved into my heart  I was nine Hush little baby don't you cry Mama is going to sing you a lullaby  I went up the stairs and told her What had happened in the dragons den.  How he had sat beside me and spoken About the pieces on the chess board Hush little girl don't say a word I heard the silence before she said it  She spoke not of what he had done Or what she would say to him "Shh" she said. "You can not tell your dad Or let your brother know.  Shh I said! You can not tell your cousin Or aunt, or uncle or your school." The silence stretched for years I could hear its Echo when we talked It consumed my essence enveloped me in fog.  Rattled me with its loudness Hush little baby don't you cry Your daddy loves you and so do I.  So make sure the you don't sing  Or I'll break that birdies neck 

Urban Pastoral

The high-heeled girls stood outside the club The wolves howled at them As they picked out their prey

Anger

You told me your secret. It’s repulsing. I feel icy. I’m cold towards you My blood runs cold like water I’m frozen. I am stone. Then I realize what you have done... What have you done? My blood thickens and begins to heat It begins to bubble but does not churn. Yet. What have you done? My rage heightens and reaches its crescendo My blood becomes waves in me, it washes over my features it makes my face red. Now it has begun. Begun to bubble, like a witch’s brew Full of sinister intention What have YOU done? What have YOU DONE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Dancing

The musk of men Sinks and permeates the clothes Brought home from the dance floor It acts as an omen Of his hands running down her neck As they grind on the dance floor