Since Matt and I spend a lot of time at his house each weekend, his madre has decided that we must cook dinner for the family once every two weeks.
I am a complete "blob" (as Matt likes to remind me) and was really reluctant (still am) to do this yesterday.
Matt left me with his mother in their kitchen while he went outside to do the BBQ. He gave me a little smile before he left. A "yes-I-know-you-can't-cook" smile.
Anyways so ya. Me and his mother where there and she taught me how to make this cheese thing. I felt like I was being put on the spot. You know when those people go onstage to test microphones and everyone looks at them? Or when someone trips in a crowded area? That reaction of everyone looking at you? That's how I felt... only me getting nervous over everything, it felt like than but ten times worse. I hate feeling like that.
Testing testing one two three.
I hope I passed. Point is, they all survived so the cooking could not have been THAT bad.
But who knows? Maybe they were just being polite.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Silence
So for my English class, the subject I wish to persue in University, we were asked to write poems based on a line from each act of Shakespeare's Hamlet. I thought this one of mine was quite good so, here you go, my act one poem:
I’m the secret keeper they slither and whisper to,
Curse and complain under the shadows
Of my blanket of trust: they gather
Bearing poisonous fruit from envious buds.
Grinding my teeth I hear to them, one by one
I see them approach with heads hung low
Silence is my master so I must obey
The bounding command to listen to their somber song.
I keep quiet, listening to their cutting words,
Listening to their nasty words,
Listening to their words,
Hurting, yelling, judging, remorseless.
But I refuse- I am done listening to this routine
I wish to speak, to scream of it
Gather my courage and tell of how
My patience has been worth thin
Restraint I must practice
This underestimated evil, this gossip continues
“It is not, nor it cannot come to good;
But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue!”
Act 1, Scene 2, Lines 158-159
I’m the secret keeper they slither and whisper to,
Curse and complain under the shadows
Of my blanket of trust: they gather
Bearing poisonous fruit from envious buds.
Grinding my teeth I hear to them, one by one
I see them approach with heads hung low
Silence is my master so I must obey
The bounding command to listen to their somber song.
I keep quiet, listening to their cutting words,
Listening to their nasty words,
Listening to their words,
Hurting, yelling, judging, remorseless.
But I refuse- I am done listening to this routine
I wish to speak, to scream of it
Gather my courage and tell of how
My patience has been worth thin
Restraint I must practice
This underestimated evil, this gossip continues
“It is not, nor it cannot come to good;
But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue!”
Act 1, Scene 2, Lines 158-159
Madre
Came home today at like one in the morning. Mom was pissed, half called me a slut for being out with Matt. Then she said that he would disown me if he were to ever get me pregnant (she's assuming we're having sex, thanks madre). And that if I am to come home so late she will call the police.
I told her to go ahead since noone is going to care.
She said fine, I'll call social services or something but you will not be coming to my house at this time.
My Life in Shakespeare:
Me: Oh thou most wicked woman! Hath you not eyes?
Hath you not seen my love for him?
Madre: A savageness of unreclaimed blood, of general assault hath I seen!
Me: (aside) She is too cruel. I should probably slap her for that threat.
Me: Thee shall be ignored, for it is my choice who I see!
Madre: Nay! That choice is mine to make for give birth to you I did.
Me: Thou wilst not be able to separate our hearts...
Normally, I would just ignore her but she really got under my skin... Gah I don't even know what to do anymore. I swear there was this whole time period where she ignored me... for a full SIX DAYS...how could anyone ever do that to their daughter?
I told her to go ahead since noone is going to care.
She said fine, I'll call social services or something but you will not be coming to my house at this time.
My Life in Shakespeare:
Me: Oh thou most wicked woman! Hath you not eyes?
Hath you not seen my love for him?
Madre: A savageness of unreclaimed blood, of general assault hath I seen!
Me: (aside) She is too cruel. I should probably slap her for that threat.
Me: Thee shall be ignored, for it is my choice who I see!
Madre: Nay! That choice is mine to make for give birth to you I did.
Me: Thou wilst not be able to separate our hearts...
Normally, I would just ignore her but she really got under my skin... Gah I don't even know what to do anymore. I swear there was this whole time period where she ignored me... for a full SIX DAYS...how could anyone ever do that to their daughter?
Movies
So Matt took me to the movies on Wednesday. First I woke up early to do some homework, yes I do that, don't ask why. It's just important that it ALL gets done. Anyways that's not the point, wow I digress much too easily. So ya, he picked me up and we went to go see "The Invention of Lying". He drove us all the way there and then... he gave me a card!
A card saying what he feels/loves about me.
oh my god, let me tell you how smiley I get each and every time I read that thing. Even the envelope makes me happy. He's just so ah-mazing... Now it's in my purse, so I can read it whenevs I like.
On a different topic, my godsisters birthday fiesta is tomorrow. I have decided not to go...Gah well, two years ago, on my birthday, one of my godsisters(there are two, Any and Marlene) had been dating this guy for like a year and she decided it would be wise to hook up with someone at my party. Feeling sad for the guy, I convinced her it would be best if she told him she had cheated on him. He broke up with Any and she blamed it on me. A couple of months later she had a spazz attack saying I was conspiring against her.... blah blah blah... point is, we haven't talked since May 2008. Which is why I'm not attending that party tomorrow. NU UH! I would much rather spend it with Matt. Which is what I'm doing.
On the topic of Matt, he has started posting on Blogspot! (yay, I'd like to think I inspired this but, whatevs, he would just deny it even if it was true :P)
A card saying what he feels/loves about me.
oh my god, let me tell you how smiley I get each and every time I read that thing. Even the envelope makes me happy. He's just so ah-mazing... Now it's in my purse, so I can read it whenevs I like.
On a different topic, my godsisters birthday fiesta is tomorrow. I have decided not to go...Gah well, two years ago, on my birthday, one of my godsisters(there are two, Any and Marlene) had been dating this guy for like a year and she decided it would be wise to hook up with someone at my party. Feeling sad for the guy, I convinced her it would be best if she told him she had cheated on him. He broke up with Any and she blamed it on me. A couple of months later she had a spazz attack saying I was conspiring against her.... blah blah blah... point is, we haven't talked since May 2008. Which is why I'm not attending that party tomorrow. NU UH! I would much rather spend it with Matt. Which is what I'm doing.
On the topic of Matt, he has started posting on Blogspot! (yay, I'd like to think I inspired this but, whatevs, he would just deny it even if it was true :P)
"Yeah, I get angry. Yeah, I get anxious. But I Love Her. So every moment of anguish is worth a lifetime of joy with her."
Kay, ah-mazing. I don't see how anyone could have a problem with us dating. Like, look at that. He makes me sooo unbeliveably happy. ahhhh :)
Like today... today was the University of Toronto's Open House where they let little people like me run around and pretend that we have a chance of actually attending the school (fingers crossed I do!)... anyways so ya, he picked me up from there and we headed to his house...we smiled, we laughed, we made fun of each other, watched some movies, I fell asleep, kind of argued a bit... being with him is such an emotional rollercoaster, and apparently he feels the same way when he is with me. It's so crazy. One minute I'll be really upset and all he has to do is kiss my hand or hug me or look at me a certain way and it's all like 3 times better than it was two seconds ago.
Those stupid little risks we have to take in order to let grow our love are so totally worthwhile.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
What is love? (Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, NOMORE!)
What love is, according to your...
Advertising Professor: Love is a cash cow. Remember this: if you can associate something with love, sex, or violence you're creating an association between your product and happiness or excitement. Why do you think Valentine's Day was so successful that it got a sequel?
Algebra Professor: Love is the sum of it's parts, any unknown in which can be found by comparing multiple formulae in order to solve for two or more variables.
Biology Professor: Love is a natural desire tofind a mate which manifests in the form of joy. This motivates partial monogamy in nature to ensure the well-being of offspring.
Chemistry Professor: Love is the influence of many chemicals being released within the body. As hormones like Oxytocin and Vasopressin are released inside the body, the brain creates a feeling of euphoria. Significant others, sex, and maternal instincts involve the release of these chemicals.
Computer Programming Professor: 01001100011011110111011001100101. Of course, it changes if you want to change the capitalization.
English Professor: "But love is blind and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit;for if they could, Cupid himself would blush to see me thus transformed to a boy." William Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. Perhaps you'd prefer Frost's, "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
History Professor: Love is a force which creates careers, empires, wars, and nations. I mean, love and greed. You know what? That's mostly just greed.
Neuropsychology Professor: Love is an addictive emotion created by releasing certain neurotransmitters as a form of reinforcement. The brain is identical when feeling the elation of love as when under the influenceof cocaine.
Packaging Professor: Listen, kid. It's our job to know how to put shit in a box and get it from A to B. If you want me to tell you how to ship love from New Hampshire to India in the cheapest, most effective way possible, we can talk.
Philosophy Professor: An understanding of love must go above any single discipline to connect all central theories of human life, though some believe love to be an discharge of emotions which defy rational examination. There are multiple types of love, Eros, Philia, Agape, and each has various metaphysical and epistemological arguments attached, while some cultures don't even have a word for love...(continue until you think of an excuse to leave).
Physics Professor: Love is the opposite reaction of the force of a significant person. Since Love = Interaction x Significance, and Interaction x Significance is a person's interpersonal value or "weight," that would make love the normal force of a person.
Political Science Professor: Irrelevant. What's important is whether or not the public thinks you're in love--that's what the polls say.
Psychology Professor: Love isn't really nailed down yet. It's a cognitive and social phenomenon, but there are a lot of theories. Maybe in twenty or thirty years we'll know more for sure--you know, you could write your thesis on it.
Spanish Professor: Amor. It's masculine.
TA: Well...uh...it says here, in the lecture notes that...uh, you know it's not here. Let me ask the professor and get back to you next week. Is that okay?
Advertising Professor: Love is a cash cow. Remember this: if you can associate something with love, sex, or violence you're creating an association between your product and happiness or excitement. Why do you think Valentine's Day was so successful that it got a sequel?
Algebra Professor: Love is the sum of it's parts, any unknown in which can be found by comparing multiple formulae in order to solve for two or more variables.
Biology Professor: Love is a natural desire tofind a mate which manifests in the form of joy. This motivates partial monogamy in nature to ensure the well-being of offspring.
Chemistry Professor: Love is the influence of many chemicals being released within the body. As hormones like Oxytocin and Vasopressin are released inside the body, the brain creates a feeling of euphoria. Significant others, sex, and maternal instincts involve the release of these chemicals.
Computer Programming Professor: 01001100011011110111011001100101. Of course, it changes if you want to change the capitalization.
English Professor: "But love is blind and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit;for if they could, Cupid himself would blush to see me thus transformed to a boy." William Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. Perhaps you'd prefer Frost's, "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
History Professor: Love is a force which creates careers, empires, wars, and nations. I mean, love and greed. You know what? That's mostly just greed.
Neuropsychology Professor: Love is an addictive emotion created by releasing certain neurotransmitters as a form of reinforcement. The brain is identical when feeling the elation of love as when under the influenceof cocaine.
Packaging Professor: Listen, kid. It's our job to know how to put shit in a box and get it from A to B. If you want me to tell you how to ship love from New Hampshire to India in the cheapest, most effective way possible, we can talk.
Philosophy Professor: An understanding of love must go above any single discipline to connect all central theories of human life, though some believe love to be an discharge of emotions which defy rational examination. There are multiple types of love, Eros, Philia, Agape, and each has various metaphysical and epistemological arguments attached, while some cultures don't even have a word for love...(continue until you think of an excuse to leave).
Physics Professor: Love is the opposite reaction of the force of a significant person. Since Love = Interaction x Significance, and Interaction x Significance is a person's interpersonal value or "weight," that would make love the normal force of a person.
Political Science Professor: Irrelevant. What's important is whether or not the public thinks you're in love--that's what the polls say.
Psychology Professor: Love isn't really nailed down yet. It's a cognitive and social phenomenon, but there are a lot of theories. Maybe in twenty or thirty years we'll know more for sure--you know, you could write your thesis on it.
Spanish Professor: Amor. It's masculine.
TA: Well...uh...it says here, in the lecture notes that...uh, you know it's not here. Let me ask the professor and get back to you next week. Is that okay?
Church time
Kay took Matt to church.
They did that whole story about how a rich Jewish man came to Jesus and asked Him how he could possibly enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus then told the man to follow all the commandments and sell him possessions so he could give his money to the poor. The rich man went away sad because he had many things.
When the priest started to explain this he said something along the lines of "Jewish people like wealth. It's hard for them to give away their money"
Matt laughed.
I like it when he laughs :)
They did that whole story about how a rich Jewish man came to Jesus and asked Him how he could possibly enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus then told the man to follow all the commandments and sell him possessions so he could give his money to the poor. The rich man went away sad because he had many things.
When the priest started to explain this he said something along the lines of "Jewish people like wealth. It's hard for them to give away their money"
Matt laughed.
I like it when he laughs :)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Just for a laugh
Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML
Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML
Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML
Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML
Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML
"that-girl-makes-me-want-to-take-off-my-pants"
Me and Chantal were in La Senza looking at some sexy things to wear. Not like, "hey-that-girl-looks-good" kind of sexy but "that-girl-makes-me-want-to-take-off-my-pants-in-this-place". Anyways, I ended up purchasing this outfit and some stockings to go with it. Tres sexy!
So a couple of posts ago I mentioned a dinner date with Matt, the "Invention of Lying". and dragging Matt to church... here is the update!
Date: This was on Friday. Instead of attending my schools dance, Matt promised to take me out to dinner. I decided to wear "The Outfit" underneath my clothes to show him later. So we were in the car... and we started arguing. As always. Sooooo... we stayed in the car for like half an hour trying to fix things and then had a wonderul dinner at Pickle Barrel. He sat across from me and we kept flirting. It's awesome having a relationship like this. Flirting all the time but it's meaningful and important to you. I don't know how to explain it. Whatever, if you really want to know, stop reading this blog and go get a boyfriend. Seriously. Anyways. ya dinner was nice then back to his place. Showed him "The Outfit" and then we started making out. For like two seconds. That about the time he turned away from me and started watching tv. Yes, you read that right. Here I was in my stockings and $70 dollar outfit watching him watch tv. Kay I felt like an idiot. And I said so, which really upset him. "You deserve better, I'm not supposed to make you feel stupid, you go through all this trouble and I can't even fully appreciate it." Aw my love. Anyways so we fixed that too and he drove me home and uhm. ya fun stuff. It was an overall lovely evening.
The Invention of Lying- Didn't end up going. Spent the night at Matts' instead. Slept in his bed. All warm and in his pants.... his pajama pants.... while he slept downstairs.... (GAH!) well too bad lmfao.
Church- dragging him this weekend instead since we ended up going to the reference library for one of his History assignments. Uni boys need to actually do work. Who knew.
So a couple of posts ago I mentioned a dinner date with Matt, the "Invention of Lying". and dragging Matt to church... here is the update!
Date: This was on Friday. Instead of attending my schools dance, Matt promised to take me out to dinner. I decided to wear "The Outfit" underneath my clothes to show him later. So we were in the car... and we started arguing. As always. Sooooo... we stayed in the car for like half an hour trying to fix things and then had a wonderul dinner at Pickle Barrel. He sat across from me and we kept flirting. It's awesome having a relationship like this. Flirting all the time but it's meaningful and important to you. I don't know how to explain it. Whatever, if you really want to know, stop reading this blog and go get a boyfriend. Seriously. Anyways. ya dinner was nice then back to his place. Showed him "The Outfit" and then we started making out. For like two seconds. That about the time he turned away from me and started watching tv. Yes, you read that right. Here I was in my stockings and $70 dollar outfit watching him watch tv. Kay I felt like an idiot. And I said so, which really upset him. "You deserve better, I'm not supposed to make you feel stupid, you go through all this trouble and I can't even fully appreciate it." Aw my love. Anyways so we fixed that too and he drove me home and uhm. ya fun stuff. It was an overall lovely evening.
The Invention of Lying- Didn't end up going. Spent the night at Matts' instead. Slept in his bed. All warm and in his pants.... his pajama pants.... while he slept downstairs.... (GAH!) well too bad lmfao.
Church- dragging him this weekend instead since we ended up going to the reference library for one of his History assignments. Uni boys need to actually do work. Who knew.
Thanksgiving
Kay so Thanksgiving is coming up.
Here is where I list what I'm thankful for.
uhm....let me edit that list
Most people would list family as one of these top things. Right? Well my madre didn't speak to me for six days. six ENTIRE days that she fully ignored me. Even if I walked into the house at 2 am, she would rather remain silent that satisfy her curiosity. Bitch move and a half. This is why:
Mean Lady: Maria give me the phone!!!
Me: Mom I just got on it, plus I'm talking to Matt...
Mean Lady: I don't care, I NEED to call the bank.
Me: But mom, it's already 8:30, banks are closed!
ML: If you weren't so STUPID you would know that I can call the bank whenever I want!!
Me: Well so then why do you have to call them now?
ML:You stupid ignorant little bitch. Give me my phone or I'll fucking smack you.
Me: .... Okay go! smack me! (Then to Matt "matt i'll call you back" *hang up*)
ML: *gets up and tries to hit me, I block it multiple times*
Me: Don't fucking touch me!
ML: Stupid little bitch, when that fuckhead dumps your ignorant ass, you better not come fucking crying to me. *leaves me alone*
The edited list of what I'm thankful for.
Here is where I list what I'm thankful for.
- Family.
- Home.
- Friends.
- School.
- Matt.
uhm....let me edit that list
Most people would list family as one of these top things. Right? Well my madre didn't speak to me for six days. six ENTIRE days that she fully ignored me. Even if I walked into the house at 2 am, she would rather remain silent that satisfy her curiosity. Bitch move and a half. This is why:
Mean Lady: Maria give me the phone!!!
Me: Mom I just got on it, plus I'm talking to Matt...
Mean Lady: I don't care, I NEED to call the bank.
Me: But mom, it's already 8:30, banks are closed!
ML: If you weren't so STUPID you would know that I can call the bank whenever I want!!
Me: Well so then why do you have to call them now?
ML:You stupid ignorant little bitch. Give me my phone or I'll fucking smack you.
Me: .... Okay go! smack me! (Then to Matt "matt i'll call you back" *hang up*)
ML: *gets up and tries to hit me, I block it multiple times*
Me: Don't fucking touch me!
ML: Stupid little bitch, when that fuckhead dumps your ignorant ass, you better not come fucking crying to me. *leaves me alone*
The edited list of what I'm thankful for.
- Family.
- Home.
- Friends(?).
- School and Work.
- Matt.
Home. Kay I guess? I like being in a house but I enjoy being in my second homes better. One is obviously Matt's casa and the other is Chantal's house. I feel like 1oo times better in those atmospheres.
Friends. I'm thankful for the very few people I can actually consider friends. So like 3 people. Great?
School. Yay school and work! Get me out of my house and maybe a laugh here and there.
Matttttt. Aw how much does he mean to me. I can't even begin to describe it! I adore everything about him. I thirst for his company. He's stubborn and witty and charming and intelligent and frustrating and loving and.... well, the most important thing is that he is mine. And I his.
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