So, I have been doing nothing but thinking about you, and I hope you don't see this as.... I dunno, dishonest. And I know as well, you said you're happy and all, so I don't want to upset that, but it has been on my mind and I am still in love with you, I miss you, and made a mistake. I only want to know if you would take me back. If not, I understand that too.
Chris, you know I love you too but it's not about saying these things. It's about actions. I tried for two weeks and you made it clear that you didn't want to be with me. It hard for me to believe otherwise
I know. i know I know I know. Listen, I'm not as quick as you, by which I mean I think too much, I'm not as confident as you, I doubt myself more than you do. It has taken me this long to realize that you made me deep safe, you made me feel loved and wanted. I just know now that I needed this time. I went from Ashley to you too quickly and never had any time to realize how special it is to be in a relationship with someone like you. I doubted you too, I needed time to realize those doubts were foolish. I didn't treat you as an equal, I needed time to feel the pain of that, I didn't respect you in punctuality, and in other ways, and I needed time to realize that too
So? Actions speak louder than words. My trust was shattered and you're going to have to work really hard to regain it. If you really love me, you will find a way to show me. :/
If there was an action to take to erase the past weeks though, I wouldn't. They were necessary for me. I needed them, and I needed the pain, to wake me up. You know I never had a night I didn't think of you. I just beg of you to try to understand. I really do want this, and I would take any action to prove it.
So I told him to go to the work party. Even though I know he hates dancing an parties.
Oh boy, my reunion night with you is in a run down dance club hahaha. Like poetry. Terrible, terrible poetry.
You're going to give me a heart attack you know. This is the stupidest thing I have ever put myself through. Showing up after I spent the day explaining that I'm not going because I didn't want to interfere with your good night. Immediate tension and difficult social scenario, in a context that I have NO comfort in.... With my current ex who I am trying to get back together with and am not sure how to act around. Seriously. This is sitcom bad.
At the party he followed me around trying to get my attention and talk to me. We went out and talked. He said he loves me and made a mistake. He promised me lots of things, one of them being a daily text saying he loves me. Later he walked me home.
This is yesterday's text.
Good morning. It's the first day and I feel the same. I'm not sure what I'm going to wrote, because I know some things I want to say, and I also know that I don't want to hurt you or make myself sound coercive. I suppose I'll just say one thing tonight. On the walk home this morning there were puddles everywhere. I splashed through them and froze myself to the bone. Probably not the best for my illness, but it was worth it. It reminded me, unsurprisingly, of you, walking through puddles with you, getting hit by bus-made tidal waves. I miss that, and I miss you.
Yesterday after work he waited for like half an hour so we could take the bus together and then he walked me home.
I'm very skeptical and don't really think he deserves a second chance. I don't know what to do, because I still love him and because I know he is genuinely trying. I'm also still incredibly hurt and mad. I guess I will just wait it out and see how it goes.
Chris, you know I love you too but it's not about saying these things. It's about actions. I tried for two weeks and you made it clear that you didn't want to be with me. It hard for me to believe otherwise
I know. i know I know I know. Listen, I'm not as quick as you, by which I mean I think too much, I'm not as confident as you, I doubt myself more than you do. It has taken me this long to realize that you made me deep safe, you made me feel loved and wanted. I just know now that I needed this time. I went from Ashley to you too quickly and never had any time to realize how special it is to be in a relationship with someone like you. I doubted you too, I needed time to realize those doubts were foolish. I didn't treat you as an equal, I needed time to feel the pain of that, I didn't respect you in punctuality, and in other ways, and I needed time to realize that too
So? Actions speak louder than words. My trust was shattered and you're going to have to work really hard to regain it. If you really love me, you will find a way to show me. :/
If there was an action to take to erase the past weeks though, I wouldn't. They were necessary for me. I needed them, and I needed the pain, to wake me up. You know I never had a night I didn't think of you. I just beg of you to try to understand. I really do want this, and I would take any action to prove it.
So I told him to go to the work party. Even though I know he hates dancing an parties.
Oh boy, my reunion night with you is in a run down dance club hahaha. Like poetry. Terrible, terrible poetry.
You're going to give me a heart attack you know. This is the stupidest thing I have ever put myself through. Showing up after I spent the day explaining that I'm not going because I didn't want to interfere with your good night. Immediate tension and difficult social scenario, in a context that I have NO comfort in.... With my current ex who I am trying to get back together with and am not sure how to act around. Seriously. This is sitcom bad.
At the party he followed me around trying to get my attention and talk to me. We went out and talked. He said he loves me and made a mistake. He promised me lots of things, one of them being a daily text saying he loves me. Later he walked me home.
This is yesterday's text.
Good morning. It's the first day and I feel the same. I'm not sure what I'm going to wrote, because I know some things I want to say, and I also know that I don't want to hurt you or make myself sound coercive. I suppose I'll just say one thing tonight. On the walk home this morning there were puddles everywhere. I splashed through them and froze myself to the bone. Probably not the best for my illness, but it was worth it. It reminded me, unsurprisingly, of you, walking through puddles with you, getting hit by bus-made tidal waves. I miss that, and I miss you.
Yesterday after work he waited for like half an hour so we could take the bus together and then he walked me home.
I'm very skeptical and don't really think he deserves a second chance. I don't know what to do, because I still love him and because I know he is genuinely trying. I'm also still incredibly hurt and mad. I guess I will just wait it out and see how it goes.
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