Times two

It didn't work.

I met him at the fountain at York. I was secretly hoping he would apologize and kiss me. I saw him coming from a mile away and turned away from him. He sat at the steps away from the fountain and I had to wave him over. He hadn't recognized me from behind without my pink hair.

He sat next to me. He asked me how I had been and instinctively I said good and asked him how he had been. He said fine. I gave him my spiel.

He asked if we could go inside because he was cold. Then we talked

Me: You don't need to make a decision now, you can think about it, don't feel pressured.

Him: oh Maria, this would be so much easier if I never had to see you again.

It was then I realized things weren't going to end happily.

He said he couldn't date me for x, y, and z, but that he still loves me and will forever love me and that he would love to spend forever with me, but he can't for some obscure reason, and that he is in love with me still but that he isn't. He cuddled a bit close to me and I burst out crying. He said no to dating me like eight times, and "maybe" twice.

Him: But when you make an event on Facebook, do any of the people who reply "maybe" show up?

He implied that it was a definite no.

I've never done this before, do we hug, do we shake hands, do we cautiously avoid each others gaze?

I don't think we shake hands. I don't think we hug, but we don't have to avoid each others gaze.

Well, I'll avoid your gaze anyway

He gave me a weird hug, asked me what days I'm working and left.

The message

I sent Chris a message via Facebook that said hey are you working Thursday, if so can you meet up with me quickly beforehand... I've yet to get an answer

This getting your ex back is quite the waiting game. I'm not used to waiting for anything I want, I usually just go get it. I guess I have to wait to see if this can be successful. I think today is my third day as a single lady, if I am counting correctly. Hm Hm Hm, what is a girl to do without the man of her dreams?

I have decided to pick a song to add to each post as often as possible. Today's song is...



*drumroll*



rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (yes, it's a drumroll, hater)

She seems so absolutely perfectly and delightfully mad in this video. It's great. My boss loves her so he would be proud I'm showing you this video. You're welcome, loyal subjects. (haaaaaaaaa)

Valerie's Letters

Valerie's Letter

"I know there’s no way I can convince you this is not one of their tricks. But I don’t care. I am me.

My name is Valerie. I don’t think i’ll live much longer, and I wanted to tell someone about my life. This is the only autobiography that i’ll ever write, and – God – i’m writing it on toilet paper.

I was born in Nottingham in 1985. I don’t remember much of those early years. But I do remember the rain. My grandmother owned a farm in Tottlebrook, and she used to tell me that God was in the rain.

I passed my eleven plus, and went to a girl’s grammar. It was at school that I met my first girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. It was her wrists – they were beautiful. I thought we would love each other forever. I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew.

Sarah did.

I didn’t.

In 2002 I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn’t have done it without Chris holding my hand.

My father wouldn’t look at me. He told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing.

I’d only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have.

It is the very last inch of us.

And within that inch, we are free.

I’d always known what i’d wanted to do with my life, and in 2015 I started my first film: The Salt Flats.

It was the most important role of my life. Not because of my career, but because that was how I met Ruth. The first time we kissed, I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again.

We moved to a small flat in London together. She grew scarlet carsons for me in our window box. And our place always smelt of roses.

Those were the best years of my life.

But America’s war grew worse and worse, and eventually came to London.

After that there were no roses anymore. Not for anyone.

I remember how the meaning of words began to change. How unfamiliar words like “collateral” and “rendition” became frightening. When things like norsefire and the articles of allegiance became powerful. I remember how different became dangerous.

I still don’t understand it: why they hate us so much.

They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I’ve never cried so hard in my life. It wasn’t long until they came for me.

It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place.

But for three years I had roses – and apologised to no-one.

I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch.

But one.

An inch.

It is small and it is fragile, and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.

I hope that - whoever you are - you escape this place. I hope that the world turns, and that things get better.

But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may not meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you: I love you.

With all my heart.

I love you.

-Valerie."

From the film V for Vendetta. Funny short story. Once me and Matt were watching this movie and I thought that Vendetta was the protagonists name. I asked why Vendetta did blah blah blah and he gave me a blank look. Fail. 

The Flip Side (Dating)

See things from the other point of view!

How to get your ex back?

Okay so I have been seeing A LOT of articles and videos online on how to get your ex back. Some of them I think are pretty fucked up so I will do my own version (and tell you if it's successful tomorrow)

DO:

• Give your ex some space, let them think about what they want to do and if that includes you. Let them miss you! S/he can't miss you after the relationship is over if you're texting and calling all the time. How much time? As much as you think is necessary, but not too long either. Anywhere between 5-10 days I would say. 
• Keep busy - I know this one sounds difficult if the break up just happened because you were devoting all your time to that person. Now it's time to relax with your friends, catch up with season three of Glee (haha), finish that essay. This is the time where you can go dancing with people who actually like dancing.
• Be sincere- If you want to get your ex back you have to be honest. DO NOT try to make him or her jealous, that will just push your ex further away. You want to start a new relationship based on truth and honesty, and the best way to do that is to be truthful and honest right from the start. When you start talking be honest in what you want.
• Change - like really change, don't pretend to change until you get him/her back. Actually change, not only for them but for yourself. Were you a nagging bitch who took him for granted? Did you cheat on her? Did you never listen to him? Did you lie to her? If you want them back for good you have to change the things that made you lose them in the first place. 
• Something I also recommend is changing your look as well, this is something I have been doing after every break up I've had. Most recently, I dyed my hair from pink to brown (pink is not very marketable in the dating world haha)
• Be prepared for either outcome - Don't lose hope. What's worth the prize is always worth the fight BUT you cannot make someone love you or appreciate you. I know right now you're probably thinking "I just want my shitty relationship back, I don't care" BUT it's a two way street. You should VALUE yourself! If he doesn't love you then why do you want him back anyways?

DO NOT:

• Invade his privacy -  As stated above, give him some time. Do not check his facebook every ten seconds, do not hack his email to read who he has been talking to, do not look through his texts or chat history. It's not something he has shared with you! and more importantly, it violates his trust and reinforces why he broke up with you. Who do you want to be? The crazy stalker ex or the girl who he let go without a fight? Think about it everytime you want to hack his things
• Trash talk him - sure, it might feel nice momentarily but will it really make you feel better to tell everyone your ex wanted to try some freaky things in bed that you found disgusting when you get back together? I don't think so. And you can't be sincere in telling someone you care about them and want them back when you tell everyone else he's an idiot.
• Let yourself go -  This is not the time for breakdowns, it's the time for plans. Skip the huge Toblerone, or the tub of ice cream, or the sad romantic movies. NONE of those things will make you feel better in the end. You need to do something that makes you feel better, like paint, watch a comedy instead, youtube Hakuna Matata and sing it super loud, go to the gym (lol ew, but its worth it!).
• Make your ex feel pressured- If you make your ex feel like they have to be with you they will be unhappy. Do you really want to be the reason why the love of your life is unhappy and can't do the things he wants to do? I don't and I'm sure you don't either.

That's all I can think of at the moment. If you have any questions, comment below, and I will try to answer them! Keep hoping, star-crossed lovers!

I need a dolla dolla dolla is what I need

Tomorrow is the day I'm going to talk to him and just be sincere. I'm going to tell him I respect his decision but that I'm confused and hurt and that we should fix what needs to be fixed..

I don't think I've ever been so nervous. Or, uhm, anxiously hopeful?

I hate being stuck in this limbo, admittedly I'm doing it to myself but styyyyyylll. I want to know NOW if I should just move on or if he still wants to work at it.

Hey Pumba, not in front of the kids!

Hakuna Matata, that's our motto

"What's a motto?"

Nothing, what's the matter with you?! AHahaha

You know kid, these two words will solve ALL your problems.

I think this is the BEST way to cheer youself/others up. It adds an instant smile for me and I'm sure everyone gets a kick out of it. I love how they convince Simba to eat bugs "oh well, Hakuna Matata". I guess YOLO is the modern day Hakuna Matata, but YOLO is reserved for those with an IQ less than 40.